69 Alcoholic Drinks

Well last night I headed downtown to the head of the whiskey row
I met three wise men, Jim, Jack, and Cuervo
Well they were cosmopolitan, they wore black beanies
They stayed up all night drinking espresso martinis
I said “I’m from Boone’s Farm, man, and we don’t drink no gin.
We just like our wine cooler and Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

Chorus:
Well now my best friends hang out at every bar in town
And if you see them, you might just pound them down
My best bud is talking to a bottle of rock-gut
And Slippery Dick; he’s hittin on that old red-headed slut
They’re headin to Long Island for some ice tea with peach
And later they’ll be havin sex on the beach

Well White Russian and Black Russian, they were dukin it out
To see who would take home the dirty girl scout
A B-52 took off in early morning skies
Captain Morgan was flying to a tequila sunrise
Just then Bloody Mary, she said “I’ll see you later!”
She walked out the door with at sexy alligator

Chorus

Then little green men took over with their mind eraser
And the Irish set off a car bomb with a fat tire chaser
And just as the three wise men drank their last apple pucker
Bahama mama burst through the door
And she said “adios you mother ----“
And then armed with a screwdriver, she ordered a whiskey sour
She Jagger-bombed the little green men and saved our happy hour

Chorus

Well two sweet tarts walked in, both had purple hooters
One let out a duck fart and ordered up some shooters
One had a slippery nipple, the other a fuzzy navel
I jumped up like a grasshopper and headed for their table
I said “Baby, if you give me a blow job baby I won’t do you wrong
I’ll sit and nurse your slippery nipple all night long!”

Chorus

I said later he’ll be nursin the slippery nipple on the end of the purple hooter gettin a blow-job and having sex on the beach by the light of a Tequila sun rise!